Sunday, September 13, 2015

Eight Random Things I Don't Consider "News"

by Leann

Because I am pressed for time (Can you spell deadline?) I was hard pressed to come up with something interesting  for today's blog--until I read the news online. Yes, these are headlines of real articles someone believes I might be interested in.  This is all I've got for today, so I hope you find it as entertaining as I did:

The 25 Least Popular Dog Breeds
(Will choosing a POPULAR dog breed change my life? And if I choose an unpopular breed, what does that say about me?) 
15 Style Faux Pas That Will Fill You With Regret (Fill me with regret? Oh, I can think of a lot of choices in life that filled me with regret, but "style faux pas" has yet to make the list.)
5 Foolproof Ways to Avoid a Pig-Out (Why would I want to avoid this? Pigging out sounds like way more fun than just about anything right now.)

Your Toothbrush Probably Has E-coli on It (Really? Did you HAVE to go there?)

How to Cook Salmon in the Dishwasher (Or, how to make your entire house smell like a fishmarket. That would be a better title for an article I will NEVER EVER read.)

12 Things Never to Buy at a Garage Sale (And what if I just bought one of those things? What then? Are you trying to shame me, Non-News People? Sheesh.)

50 Things You Don't Really Need to Buy (Oh yeah? I think you're wrong. See ... I'm getting cranky now reading JUST the headlines. What if I actually read any of this junk I'm listing?)
What 6 Common Brain Farts Mean (I make them, I don't need to know what they mean. I don't want to know what they mean. I NEVER, EVER want to know.)

See? Now I have shown myself that writing a book is a whole lot better than reading the news. Thank you, Internet. You have helped me tremendously.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

OK, Leann, you just made me laugh out loud which made me start coughing again. I've had a bad cough since Wednesday but hadn't coughed for 6 or 7 hours until I started laughing. Can see why you would feel that writing was preferable to reading those stories. Cordella (in mourning because my Ducks just lost to Michigan State)

Doward Wilson said...

Thanks for making me laugh. This was an inspired blog post. Now back to your deadline.

mary kennedy said...

These are wonderful, Leann!

Jeannie D. said...

Thanks for the laugh. I am glad I am not the only one that gets mad that the some headlines are just totally ridiculous.

Dru said...

Love it.

Leann Sweeney said...

I am so sorry I made you cough!! Sorry about the Ducks. A&M and Syracuse both won so for this week, it's all okay.

Leann Sweeney said...

Thanks Doward. I'm trying.

Leann Sweeney said...

Plucked from the headlines.

Leann Sweeney said...

Thanks Jeannie. Indeed. It was all pretty ridiculous yesterday!

Leann Sweeney said...

Thanks Dru!

Anonymous said...

Thank goodness I wasn't sipping coffee when I read some of these! :) I will try to find them more amusing, in the future, instead of so annoying!

Anonymous said...

I agree. News? Really? Reminds me of advertising these days which appears to be aimed at the mindless. For a long time I shook my head and laughed until I thought "People write this. People read this. If they didn't, it wouldn't be around day after day." The questions I'm left with are: Who wants to create mindless distractions? Why?"
Thank you, Leann, for writing about this, and thank you all for responding. I feel I'm in good company!

Anonymous said...

Sorry. I forgot to own my comment. Zena W.

Leann Sweeney said...

Yes, Pat. I guess this keeps people working. I don't know.

Leann Sweeney said...

Yes, own it Zena! You ARE in good company. :-)

emilia.m said...

and it happened :) This was the first Cozy Chicks' post I read out loud :) to my Husband :) and he laughed as well :D thank you Leann!!! :)

Leann Sweeney said...

Haha! Thanks Emilia!