Saturday, April 11, 2015

LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY

by Mary Kennedy                            
                                                                
 
Love means never having to say you're sorry--or does it? Women tend to apologize more than men. I noticed something odd in the grocery store the other day. When the cashier gave the woman ahead of me the wrong change, the woman stuffed the money in her purse without looking. When the cashier said, "Wait, I owe you another dollar," and handed it to her, the woman flushed and said, "Oh, I'm sorry!" (Why was she sorry? Good question.)
 
The example above is probably an "automatic" apology and isn't significant. But when you know you should make a "real" apology, here are a few tips.
 
1. Be clear about what you are apologizing for. And for heaven's sake, don't blame the injured party. Has anyone ever said to you, "I'm sorry I made you angry?" or "I'm sorry you got upset." Wow, how manipulative. That is not an apology and puts the blame right back on the wrong person. You did it, you said it, so "own" it!                  
 
2. Tell the person you will not do it again. And mean it. Sometimes it's just a question of not having all the facts. When I was teaching at a college, I unwittingly ticked off the head of the department by taking "his" parking place. I had no way of knowing it was "his" place, it wasn't marked in any way. His secretary finally told me how "unhappy" he was with me. He'd had that spot for years and no one had ever challenged him on it. I went to him and quickly apologized, promising him I would never steal "his" spot again. We had a good laugh about it and harmony was restored.  
                                                             
 

3. Be sincere and let the person know that you realize you caused them pain/inconvenience/discomfort, whatever. It doesn't matter if you feel they are "unjustified" in feeling upset. The point is, whatever you said or did caused them pain and that's what you have to address.
 
On a final note, I'm guilty of saying "I'm sorry" way too often. Last night, one of my cats knocked over an entire pot of spaghetti. I immediately said, "I'm sorry!" The cat, of course, said nothing. Why doesn't that surprise me. LOL
 
Mary Kennedy
 


10 comments:

Teresa Kander said...

I've been known to apologize to people when someone else hurts them--WHY? I guess because I just hate to see anyone hurting!

Lynda Turpin said...

Good tips Mary. I'm often guilty of over-apologizing. Especially like when I'm in a crowd, and I end up saying "Excuse Me" or "Sorry" when someone else bumps into me - when I wasn't the one doing the bumping. And in most cases, they just keep going.

mary kennedy said...

I know what you mean, Teresa. You are a kind person! Thanks for stopping by.

mary kennedy said...

I do the same thing, Lynda. I caught myself saying "I'm sorry," when the person next to me dropped something the other day. LOL.

Kate Collins said...

It's an automatic response, whether we are the ones bumped or doing the bumping. I've seen people bump someone on purpose and then offer an apology. You make great points, Mary. Women do apologize too much. On "Shark Tank" last week, Barbara Cochran said whenever she had doubts about how to react, she just thought like a man. Maybe women need to do more of that!

Joy Scaggs said...

Think like a man ! That could be a scary thing. Lol

Lisa Ks Book Reviews said...

I'm very guilty of saying I'm sorry to often. I girl on my older sister's nerves because of it. On the opposite side of it, my younger sister will never say she's sorry. She just eases her way back into my good graces.

mary kennedy said...

We both need to watch our tendency to apologize, Lisa K. Thanks so much for stopping by!

mary kennedy said...

I wish I had seen that, Kate! I used to see Barbara Cochran when was a guest on the Today Show,, I always liked her. And the Cochran Group is certainly famous, she is really successful.

mary kennedy said...

LOL, Joy!