Thursday, July 17, 2014

Don't Let It In The Door!

From the fevered brain of Mary Jane Maffini aka Victoria Abbott  


It came in through the front door and ate our brains. Then another one came and another. No, not aliens. How passé.  I’m talking about mail order catalogs and a few in particular. 

The latest to arrive is Hammacher Schlemmer mid-summer supplement. It will take pride of place next to Signals and Lee Valley’s Make Summer Sizzle.

It wasn’t long before my husband stood in the doorway and said, “I have to have this.  Lifetime warranty,”

I gawked at the image. “The Remote Controlled Tarantula? Really?”   Of course, I immediately could see applications for this. Better not to go down that road.  Some people have weak hearts.  Still …
I said, “It says indoor use only but I notice they have The Best Nose Hair Trimmer.”

“Very funny, but look at this!” he said, flipping pages with a wild look in his eye. “The Hand Reflexology Massager.”

“Huh. Pricey, but how about The Dance of the Musical Plum Fairy Porcelain Musical Egg? It comes with a certificate of authenticity. Don’t shake your head just because it has a dancing fairy. Maybe we should get The Live Video Camera Drone?” 

He raised an eyebrow. “That drone’s over a thousand dollars. We have to be practical.  The Laser Illuminating Binoculars, now they’d be useful.   You can illuminate objects in the dark over 150 yards away. Quite reasonably priced.

“The neighbors will be thrilled. But hey, there’s The Portable Pet Staircase or Ramp. And The Grill Cleaning Robot plus …” 

We want that portable pet staircase. We're not getting any younger!

And so it will go, until a new catalog comes along. Hours of first-class entertainment.  One of these days we’ll cave yet again and order something.  I am keeping a list of amusing possibilities. There are no tarantulas on it.  

How about you?  Are you a catalog junkie? What’s the weirdest thing you ever bought? Don't hold back!
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