Thursday, April 17, 2014

When everyday objects attack: beware the Easter bunny





Just so you know, I'm not kidding about the Easter bunny.



Seriously, I’ve had my problems with ordinary objects in the past couple of years.  From time to time, it’s like things around me become possessed.  

For example, there was the toe I injured by dropping my hairbrush on it.  Spectacular bruises too. Or that morning I wrecked my rotator cuff airing out the duvet.  I don’t want to forget when I sprained my ankle doing the dishes. That’s right. 

Last summer my chair – without warning – flipped backwards off the deck, depositing me (still in the chair) on my back in a freshly dug garden bed.  Usually I’m alone in the garden. This time there were five witnesses. 

Not too long ago, I banged up my knee crashing into a seemingly innocent pile of books at the foot of a staircase. Just so you know, a baby gate was also involved. 

And I haven’t even mentioned the drink coaster.

Try getting sympathy for a duvet injury. Or a hairbrush trauma. Or a coaster incision.   I can’t even use them in my fiction because fiction has to make sense. 


But then yesterday’s incident takes the cake. Well, takes the candy.  While trimming the ears of an Easter bunny – they were way too long, trust me – I broke a tooth. Yes, really.  The bunny was made of milk chocolate, soft enough to snap.  What’s the world coming to when you can’t trust the Easter bunny?

At any rate, while everyone else is getting ready for Easter egg hunts and a long weekend, I’ll be sitting in the dentist’s chair hoping my checkbook doesn’t catch fire when I get the bill.  Around here, stranger things have happened. 

Maybe I should have stopped sooner?



 Now I don't trust any of this Easter bunny stuff. I mean, don't these little guys look like they're hatching a plot?







I hope you all have a lovely few days ahead with chocolate and bonnets and all your teeth right where they should be. May the sun shine on all of you and not in a dangerous way.

But why don’t you make me feel better?  Tell me your stories: do you get attacked by ordinary objects too?  How much sympathy do you get? I promise to understand! 

24 comments:

Lynda said...

I have a reputation for "odd" injuries. I once sprained my ankle falling in the toilet while trying to escape a psycho cat. It's a long story, but basically a cat went crazy and my friend and I were trapped in the bathroom at 2:00 am - she jumped in the bathtub and I jumped on the toilet - unfortunately, the lid was up. Then there was the time I cut off the tip of my nose while shaving my legs. I had made the mistake of shaving in the bathtub without my glasses on. I got down close to see what I was doing and the razor came up the leg, over the knee and sliced the end of my nose. I told people I ran into a wall - that sounds lame, but it was better than the reality. There are too many other stories to recount, but you might feel better to know that I once broke a tooth eating a banana - it happens.

Shel said...

I don't feel nearly so bad about breaking my big toe with a pan lid now...

Mark Baker said...

I can't think of any strange injuries, and I'm sorry, but I am laughing at your list of injuries. But not the tooth. That one makes me wince in pain. Hope all goes well at the dentist.

Aurian said...

You really need to eat that whole bunny out of revenge. Perhaps let it melt in the sun a bit first. I am always getting attacked by doors. When my foot is underneath it, or when I walk into the doorhandle, or my shirt get caught on it ... Bruises galore ...

Mary Jane Maffini said...

You made my day, Lynda. I needed a big laugh, oops, I mean outburst of sympathy.

XOX

MJ

Mary Jane Maffini said...

And you shouldn't. Beautiful seque!

XOX

MJ

Mary Jane Maffini said...

Thanks, Mark. I am pretty sure they will laugh there. Maybe I'll have to put them in a book if they do. Cue ominous music.

Hugs.

MJ

Mary Jane Maffini said...

Doors are truly dangerous. Lucky they haven't killed you yet, Aurian. I think toasted bunny or breakfast today. Thanks for the suggestion.,


XOX

MJ

Leann Sweeney said...

And I thought I was the clumsiest person on earth! :-) But speaking of the dentist and odd injuries, I was in the chair having a tooth filled when the end of the mirror broke off and I swallowed it. It got stuck right at the junction of the trachea and esophagus--not a good place to be. I ended up in the OR, had to be intubated and have an endoscopy. And while they were at it, they found out I had an ulcer and they biopsied it. The OR staff said it was indeed the weirdest thing that anyone had ever swallowed. (Apparently they get lots of brides and grooms who swallow the cake toppers!!)

Carrie P said...

I'm the queen of you did that how? My favorite most recent is trying to shut the bedroom door without getting out of bed. Yep, leaning over the bottom edge .. reaching, reaching reaching ... then THUD fell out, OUCH, oops I can't get up, um Hubby come save me. I managed to just make my normal aches and pains a little worse for the day, but I now have something to laugh at. :)

Mary Jane Maffini said...

I think you might just have won the 'when objects attack' sweepstakes, Leann! Holy moly.

XOXO

MJ

Mary Jane Maffini said...

Carrrie - too funny. Of course, I have also fallen out of bed, it goes without saying.
It is good to be able to laugh.

XOXO

MJ

Leann Sweeney said...

For once, it wasn't my own clumsiness or stupidity that created the problem! :-)

Anonymous said...

I have the same bunny dish and a cat dish as well. Broke a toe when I dropped the base of the dish on it while doing dishes. I fully empathize! Happy Easter to you.

Carrie P said...

I should mention my hubby has a partial, he's been working out of town and we shop for his week, so he can take it with him at the extended stay. One week he had a craving for chocolate, saw some little baby ruths and added them to the cart. I got a call Thursday morning from him, he was expected home that night, "uhm hun? I have to go to the dentist tomorrow" What happened? "I ate a baby ruth and broke my partial!"
Of course he had it longer than a year and less than four years so we ended up paying for a new one. Now when we shop, and pass the candy I warn him to stay away!

Mary Jane Maffini said...

And to you, Mare! I hadn't thought of the dishes as being dangerous! Silly me.

XOX


MJ

Mary Jane Maffini said...

Not only dangerous, but also expensive, Carrie!

Thanks for sharing that.

XOX

MJ

mary kennedy said...

What a great blog, MJ. Along the lines of Lynda Turpin's comment, I once slammed my hand in the lid of the washing machine when a cat went psycho and jumped in there! I was trying to wrestle her into a cat carrier and I thought I was winning the game until she flew up in the air like "Ninja Cat," jumped in the machine and the lid came slamming down painfully on my hand. By the way, Jean Cocteau thought that every day objects were in league against him. (so you're in good company!)

Mary Jane Maffini said...

Thanks, Mary! Sorry about your hand. Good thing those cats are pretty.

XOXI

MJ

Denise Z. said...

If it makes you feel any better, I got my first crown because of eating a gummy bear. A fresh gummy bear. And I dislocated my shoulder by pulling the pin on the incline sit up bench at the gym. That cost me a month of upper body work out time.

And I put my back out once by bending over to pick up the dog's water dish. My spouse at the time was out of town and all I could do was lay on the floor and writhe in pain. The dog walked over, I thought, well, at least he'll keep me company until I can get up. He sniffed at me quizzically, stepped over me and went on out the door.

I also put my back out another time by reaching for the door handle as I got out of my car.

And I have been known to fall off of my shoes. Flat shoes.

Mary Jane Maffini said...

It does make me feel better, strangely enough. Although you do have my sympathy. I hope the dog saw the error of his ways.

XOX

MJ

Laurie Fancy said...

Oh, Lynda, you poor thing........and I thought bananas were our friends? The only 'funny' situation that I recall happening to me is the time that I dropped over to my Avon lady's house one winter's evening. I thought I'd save her the trip out in the snow and pick up my order. Little did I know that she had an EVIL power pole erected on her property. When I tried to park beside her, but within the tire ruts I was sure I had plenty of room! That was then the evil power pole dented/ creamed my husband's VW Golf. That happened 7 or 8 years ago and I still get ribbed about it......

Mark Baker said...

I didn't think about that. I wasn't laughing. Honest! Don't kill me!!!

Lynn Stadel-Paterson said...

Don't feel bad MJ I had a chair attack me too, one time all I did was sit on all old wooden chair and it completely collapsed on me sending me crashing to the floor. (it looked like a skit on a show), then one time my sisters and I were fooling around and my sister hit me on the elbow with her brush and it broke in 3 pieces, (I swear this is true) the first year we lived in our house my son wanted to go out back to play at the park, I stumbled on my front walkway and ended up falling elbow first onto the road and completely dislocated my elbow they had to operate and put 2 pins in to hold it in place. (their still there)