Sunday, October 13, 2013

If Wishes Were Houses ...

by Leann

It has been more than a year since we have been living in limbo while our home on the lake is being built. I believe one year is a magical amount of time--and when you are waiting past a "due date," every small thing begins to add more stress than it should. Yes, I was foolish enough to think I would be in my new house by now. Well, I'm not there yet.

My husband is the general contractor and first, I must say, he is doing an
amazing job of taking on a project that is difficult to say the least--and one
he'd never done before. He is working hard coordinating subcontractors and finding the right people for the job. The craftsmanship is excellent as far as I can tell. There are a lot of skilled, hardworking folks in South Carolina. Second, I must add, if I expected quick work, well that was wishful thinking. Rain delays and indecison are frustrating beyond belief.

Right now, I am on deadline. This is my second time finishing a book in the rental house I hate with a passion. The first time I soldiered through and I believe I wrote one of the best books I've ever created. This time the struggle has been immense. Each passing day without the "comfort of home" weighs on me. I find myself imagining myself sitting at my sewing machine or cutting fabric, I can almost smell banana bread baking. I can see myself sitting on my new deck and watching the ducks float by on the lake. But these are only wishes right now.

I have also been dealing with a difficult family issue that has hurt my heart and a kitten who has struggled since I brought him home. He is not healthy, may never be healthy, but I have poured so much energy into
helping him survive, it is taking a toll. But giving up on him is not an option. He and I have a bond that will last forever.

I reflect on all this because despite the difficulties, I have learned much  in this last year and 3 months, and I will be stronger because of it all. Most days I can look past filthy windows, ugly walls and other awful aspects of this house I cannot even bear to put into words. I can focus on the future. When this book is completed, it will probably reveal things to me when I reread it that I didn't realize I was placing between the lines. The subconscious will always have its way.

Relief will come. Life is full of passages and this is simply one of those particularly unpleasant times I never thought I'd be dealing with. The end is in sight, as is the end of the latest cat book.

Most days I try to focus on the happiness I experienced in the last year. Yesterday my oldest granddaughter turned six, a month ago my middle granddaughter turned three. Next month the youngest will turn one. They are beautiful and wonderful and I am so lucky. My daughter put on an amazing show this year that I got see in NYC. Now my son-in-law is experiencing what it's like to be a "little famous" with the co-writing of his highly successful Welcome to Night Vale podcast. Good things are happening. Joy is here. But sometimes it's difficult to see what's beyond the dirty windows and ugly paint that I wake up to everyday.

Thanks for reading. I needed to just get it out by writing it down. The written word is a powerful healer.

15 comments:

char said...

Leann, I can sympathize on living somewhere that you don't like. For 2 months this past summer, we lived in a studio apartment when we relocated to CA. It was like living in a motel, but you weren't on vacation. We're finally into the condo we bought, and next Friday we will be getting our "stuff" out of storage. We'll finally be able to make this place seem like home although we both would rather be back in Poughkeepsie NY in our little house. Good luck with the book, I'm sure it will be a best seller.....I know I'll be purchasing it. And good luck with getting your new house done and don't give up on sweet Marlowe.

Book Dragon said...

sending hugs, a mug of patience, and pats on the back to the husband for a tough job well done.

Aurian said...

I am looking forward to read the new book, as always. But Leann, so long in a house you hate, can't you rent something else if this will be taking more months? Isn't the hassle of moving again worth it, if you find a house you can live in more comfortably?

Leann Sweeney said...

Like me, I know when you get your "stuff" it will be like Christmas! And I would never give up on my Marlowe. He is so precious! Glad you are in a permanent place you can make your own.

Leann Sweeney said...

Thanks so much. I need an extra large mug of patience, that's for sure! :-)

Leann Sweeney said...

Finding even one house to rent that would take pets was so difficult and friends of ours were a great help. Rental property all over the country is hard to find after so many people lost their homes and their credit tanked. They can only rent. we have two rooms here backed to the ceiling with our stuff and moving it all more than once would be exhausting. We are getting close. I can be patient ... I can be patient ... I can be... :-)

Sue said...

Hold on, your new house will be wonderful.

Leann Sweeney said...

Thanks Sue. I am holding on by my fingernails. Deadline + building house on your own= CRAZY!!! :-) Soon I will be blogging about landscaping and posting pictures of the amazing wildlife around the property. And my poor dog will get to swim and chase things rather than bark through a window at squirrels. (There are so many dogs roaming the neighborhood here, she cannot go out except to potty. It's like a dog park without concerned owners in this neighborhood! And those dogs bark all night!)

Dru said...

The best news will be when you move into your new home. It will happen.

Leann Sweeney said...

I will appreciate it SO MUCH! Thanks for the encouragement Dru. Some days I need it more than others. :-)

Adrienne said...

Your post was so beautifully written and with such passion that I think I felt your pain.
I'm glad you were able to put your feelings into words ....as you do so well in your books that we all love. We always say "as long as you have your health" you can deal with anything so I worry about the family issue that is hurting your heart and hope that is resolved soon. Meanwhile, rejoice in those grand kids and your own kids as they truly can bring light into our darkness, yes? Here's to a future of much sunshine!
Adrienne in Minnesota

Teachgiftedkids said...

Think of the strength you're developing within your mind and body. A year from now you'll look back and see how much you've grown and the much better place you're in. A year seems like a long time, but in the scheme of your whole life, it's a very short period of time. Plus all of your friends and buddies are behind you - you're never alone!

Leann Sweeney said...

Thanks so much, Adrienne. My sister, who is also my best friend, went through a painful divorce this year. Her jerk of a husband cheated on her. She has a great therapist helping her but I sure wish I could do more. So that's the hurt all of us who love her so much are feeling. He betrayed her and so he betrayed me, too. But after this Columbus Day holiday, they will be back working on the house and maybe she will be the first person to visit! I sure hope so!

Leann Sweeney said...

Thanks so much! Yes, I feel the support and it really helps. As the saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And plenty of folks are going through a lot worse than this. Each day we are one step closer--or so I tell myself!! :-)

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