Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Sixty and Suddenly Single: Like a Bird

by Deb Baker/Hannah Reed

It doesn’t matter anymore how or why I came to be here. Like a bird with a broken wing, I’ve landed on my feet. I tuck under a dense, protective thicket and begin the healing process. It’s a given – I am really alone with me, myself, and I. This new world is so different, with all the unfamiliar sounds of a new home and neighborhood, and sometimes no sound at all other than my own unpredictable thoughts.

The stages of grief are spelled out for us, whether widowed or, in my case divorced, and for me they have been passed through; anger, sadness, fear. I have tried to lock onto words of hope. “Pass through” implies a journey that will end.

But where exactly is this destination?

I realize I've been on auto-pilot and that it is totally my call. I am the only one who can create a new ‘me’ from the remnants of ‘we’. It’s time to get out a map and study it, make a few solid plans, but leave some of it to chance.

I feel excitement returning. Hey, old friend, I thought you had abandoned me. The possibilities are endless. My wing has healed.


Remember as you fall, to land solid, and take the time to heal. One day you will want to leave the thicket behind and take to the air again. Go gently at first, testing, until you find your wings. After that, soar high and wide, and catch the wind…as long as it’s blowing in the direction of your dreams.



Unknown said...

My thoughts are with you, hugs!

Bill B said...

Well said ... sounds like healthy thinking right from the get-go. Sendin' some positive thoughts your way, Deb Baker, but I don't think you'll need 'em!

Aurian said...

Okay, I don't know you or your ex-husband at all, but here are some little positives:

- if he was a difficult eater, here is the time for you to discover new foods and experiment with what you love to eat. eat the things you never made as he disliked them
- the remote control is all yours :)
- more time to do things with your girlfriends, go to a movie together, or just dinner, without wanting to be home at a certain time
- more room in the closet for more new clothes and shoes
- no fixed times to have dinner ready, eat an hour later if you are busy with something.
- no more cleaning up after him
- less ironing = more time to read and write

You just make a new routine for yourself, or no routing at all for your daily chores, just what you like. A writing deadline? The laundry can also get done in 2 days instead of today. No one will notice or comment on it.

Hugs, Aurian

Deb said...

Thanks, Madison!

Deb said...

Hi Bill, you know we yoopers are tough birds:)

Deb said...

I love your list.

Jamie L. said...

Im in the middle of a divorce. Your attitude and outlook is so much better then mine. Most of the time, it just feels like a slow, painful death.

Jamie L. said...


Elaine said...

I am so happy that your excitement is returning! And there are some good things about being alone. You only have to clean up the messes you make! Hang in there! We love you!

Airieanne said...

You are loved, and you are loveable. You will adjust and find all kinds of pleasant surprises. Yeah, you might every once in a while wake up at 4 a.m. with a feeling of "something wicked this way comes". But, that would have happened anyway. You can do what you want when you want with no explanations or excuses; eat what and when you want, and that's just the beginning. The worst? You have only yourself to blame or credit when the condequences of your choices are agreeable or not. It's a whole new ball game, and you're the pitcher ! Have a blast !!!!!

Deb said...

Jamie, hang in there. You don't believe it now but it will get better. Pamper yourself a little. You deserve it.

Deb said...

Thanks, Elaine.

Deb said...

Airieanne, this is going to be a home run!

ANNETTE said...

I was nearly 60, learned to drive, got my first car with my first credit card, moved to an entirely new city, after several years bought a house, worked at lots of different jobs, learned a lot of new things.

Now, if I could do even one of those things, let alone all of them, Deb and Jamie are going to be high flying and soaring birds. When I left my house, I had 2 rooms of furniture, a dog, a cat and my clothing. I had not been employed in 25 years. And Mr Wonderful did not believe in sharing his wealth.

And yes, it was like death, and it took me years of counseling and more years of survival but I survived.

I am saying a prayer for both of you because I want both of you to be much more successful than I. I also want you to remember, you are loved and treasured.

Deb said...

Annette, it sounds to me like you succeeded in making a new life. Thank you for sharing your story and giving us encouragement.

JamieL. said...

Thank you so much! Always a work in progess.