Friday, June 24, 2011

Insult to Injury

By Heather Webber / Heather Blake

The other night my daughter came into my bedroom at 1 AM.

Her in a loud whisper: Mum, Mum!
Me (coming fully awake in an instant): What’s the matter?

I had instant thoughts of her being ill or that she heard something. That sort of thing.

Her: I need your help.
Me: With what?
Her (voice quivering): There’s a centipede in my room. It touched my foot!

I hopped out of bed, a mama bear ready to defend her cub against the horrible creature. Centipedes and I have a love / hate relationship. They love to sneak into my house, and I hate them. Hate, hate, hate. Hate is a strong word, I know. But it’s not strong enough to express how I feel about centipedes.

We marched into her room (me armed with a good wad of toilet paper) where she promptly crouched on her bed, her eyes wide in terror. I knew the feeling. A centipede was on the loose. Shudder.

Me: Where is it?
Her: It went that way.

“That way” was a generalized direction. That little sucker could be anywhere. I started moving things around and lo and behold, he revealed himself. I quickly dispatched him (flushed), and gave her a hug.

Her: I’m traumatized.
Me: It’ll be okay.
Her: Mum?
Me: Yeah?
Her: Could you get the spider, too?

She wasn’t kidding. This is when the whole story spilled out in a rush (post traumatic stress?). She’d gotten up to brush her teeth, etc. (she’s a night owl) and opened her bedroom door. A large spider (who’d apparently been lying in wait) rushed in. She dropped a box of art supplies on it and was debating what to do with it when the centipede scurried over her foot.

Now I was traumatized. The impact of the art box did in the spider, but by the next morning, I was looking up pest control companies. Enough is enough. I found a couple of names and am waiting for estimates. But now every time I use my computer, ads for the Orkin man are in the corner. Ads with ants marching have appeared along the bottom of my screen. I. Am. Not. Happy. But so help me, if those ants morph into centipedes, my computer is history.

Any pests bothering you?


Mardel said...

We have an insane amount of spiders and "mosquito hawks". Now they don't normally bug me, but my grandkids are freaked out by the I frequently have to get rid of inside spiders. But the mosquito hawks...even though I know they're harmless, and am not normally creeped out by them, I really don't enjoy the fact that everytime I'm in the bathroom (late at night) there is ALWAYS at least two of them flying around the smallish bathroom. And they inevitably fly right at my head...and then becom confused and keep flying around my face, my head and then near the knee area. This begins to freak me out just a bit. so they usually die and then it seems I have more the next night. shudder.

Aimee said...

Just the dogs, who do not seem to understand that just because dawn has broken we (the humans) are not interested in playing.

The lazy little suckers sleep all day so 6 hours at night is more than enough for them, I guess.

Sue said...

Mice and snakes. I once unknowingly trained one of my horses to only come in to the barn for food by clapping 2 garbage can lids together so the mice would leave the feed bin. When I sold her the new owner couldn't get her in the barn unless he put her on a lead and took her in himself. When I went over and showed him my complete feeding routine, he figured out what the trouble was and started doing the same thing.

Heather Blake Webber said...

Mardel, those giant mosquito things are freaky! But harmless as far as I know. The spiders definitely have to go. :)

LOL, Aimee. Lucky you love them so much!

Sue, not the "S" word! I'd be moving out pronto! Love the horse story.

Sarita said...

Living in the country comes with its share of creepy crawlies. I do not like them!

Dru said...

I laughed when Daugther said now get the spider.

What makes me run away are bees, especially if they hover around my face and mice...don't like them. The only mouse I want to see is Mickey and he better be as tall as me.

My word verification is bacon.

Heather Blake Webber said...

Sarita, I'm not sure I could deal with that!

Dru, I think mice are cute--when they're outside. :)

Anonymous said...

I live in Texas. My life is always filled with bugs. Truly. Can't help it and cannot completely get rid of them. Just can't abide fire ants because if they sting, it's bad. Oh, and I truly hate mice. We're building a house in the country right now and living in an apartment on the top floor. Don't have bugs so much in the apartment. Shudder to think what we'll encounter in the country. Scorpions, likely. Another one that will sting the life out of you.

Love your Mama Bear story. I've been there myself when my daughter was young.

Booklady said...

Because my husband is in the Army and often away, I've had to be the creepy crawler dispatcher in my house. Which is funny since I don't deal well with that job. There's a funny story involving the neighbor, a broom, and a mouse. Cut cartoon characters, not so cute in real life, but the nasty thing that really gets me are slugs. One house we rented early in our marriage and the boys were just toddlers was just full of slugs. My husband wasn't deployed all the time, just in the field. He would come home to find boxes or buckets placed in strategic spots through-out the house. That was when he knew he had to go on slug patrol. Makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. What was really creepy was when he would check under a bowl/box/or bucket and there would be nothing there. Where did the slimy thing go?

Barbara said...

The only thing I'm afraid of is snakes, but living in the country I've had to get used to them. I've only seen nonpoisonous ones in the yard, near the pond which I WON'T swim in, but we do have timbler rattlers in this area. Eek!

Anonymous said...

Oh, girl. Do I ever feel your pain.

When I was pregnant in 2007, we had what we now refer to as The Summer of the Fire Ant. But they just weren't in the yard. Oh, no. They were in the HOUSE. I first noticed them when I sat on the couch one day and one of them bit me on my foot. I looked down and noticed the carpet in my living room was teeming with them. No wonder the cat wouldn't lie down on the floor. I found them in the office carpet. In the master bedroom closet carpet and laundry baskets. STREAMING out of an electrical socket in the kitchen. We had an infestation that seemed to pop up overnight. That's when our four-times-a-year contract with Terminix started. Our nice bug man, Henry, said he'd never seen anything like it, with them in the house like that. It was nothing we'd done wrong, and certainly wasn't from a lack of cleanliness. Ugh, it was awful.

So yeah. I feel ya. Call that bug man.

Liz V. said...

After a freshman psych course, I decided I could overcome my fear of spiders w/o Mom, so I took aim w/ my loafer and missed. The spider streaked up my arm, leaving my Mom to kill the spider and scrape me up from the floor. Spider and I then entered a period of detente--they'd be in a room, I'd leave. Then spider-killing became my husband's job.

Danielle said...

Stick bugs. I literal have nightmares about stick bugs and preying mantises (manti?). Giant preying mantises chase we around making gross slurping noises. Everynight this week there are stick bugs doing the wild thang on the front porch. Its like they're mocking me. "He he he. We are multipling. We will we create an army. Why? Just to eff with you". One got in the house the other day. My dogs had their fun pawing it and tossing it in the air. I finished the job with my Orek XL. Take THAT you creepy buggers!

Linda McDonald said...

You are brave to get the centipede. We did have a small snake swimming in our pool once. I don't think he really meant to be there, as he did not look happy during his swim. My husband got the net and saved him.

signlady217 said...

Just call me "Lord (Lady) of the Flies"! For some weird reason I am really good at killing these rascals. I remember one family reunion we were riding back from ND to the Twin Cities with my husband's parents in their RV, and somehow when they had emptied the tanks scads of flies had gotten inside. I probably killed between 4 and 5 dozen on that trip alone!

Earwigs and spiders. Uck, yuck and ick! Can not stand those things. The earwigs jsut totally give me the creeps, and the spiders generally move so fast it's hard to get them sometimes. Just thinking about them is making me itch! :)

If a waterbug/wood roach gets in the house, whatever room it's in will be where I am not until it is found and killed. Unless I'm alone, and have to take care of it myself. At any rate there will be no sleeping until it's dead. A major "search and destroy" mission! :)

Chaplain Jan said...

I am not at all fond of stink bugs, but fortunately my apartment building hasn't had too big of a problem with them.

However, the critters that I cannot abide anywhere/anytime are roaches - nasty, vile, disease-carrying - yuck! I know of no redeeming qualities for these creatures. My skin crawls just thinking about them. Nasty!

Publius said...

Darlin', I live in Texas. In an old house with a pier and beam foundation. Under the oak floorboards, there's a 2 foot gap and then dirt. We have bugs. Mostly these wicked looking roach things (and mostly in the bathroom - they come for water, not food). Every summer is the same: my third sighting triggers a call to the exterminator.

Aurian said...

I occasionally find a creepy bug in my bath tub. Luckily, they drown very easily, and then I scoop them up with the lid of a big bottle and throw them in the toilet.
And as I have a parrot I also have feedmots. They live in the seed/food, and they are resistant to all kinds of poison. And I have tried! I never seem to catch them all.

Sara said...

Ohhhhh, Heather...with me it's spiders...always has been. If one is in my house, it has an obvious death wish because it WILL die. My hubby knows when I call his name with a certain tone, there's a spider to be dispatched.

One night when I was a kid, my mom awoke to the sound of banging from my room...she yelled "What in the hell are you doing?" I replied that there was a spider in my room that MUST die before I could sleep; I couldn't reach it so I was tossing paperback books (sorry, but it was an emergency!) at that sucker with the third book!

I hold with the philosophy of my idol, Suzanne Sugarbaker: "Oh, oh!! I've got one... this just makes me furious!! Y'know... when men use Women's Liberation as an excuse not to kill bugs for you. Oh, I just hate that!!! I don't care what anybody says, I think the man should have to kill the bug!!"

Heather Blake Webber said...

I'm getting the heebies reading all these! Yikes! I cannot wait for the Orkin/Terminix/local exterminator to come and help me. I'm at my buggy limit!

kissablysweet1 said...

We have the spider and ant thing going on here too. We go on the hunt frequently to find and destroy the little pests. It's not fun at all. I sympathize with your daughter and you.

Kristin A. said...

Bugs are gross. Plain and simple. But when they actually crawl on you...oh my how that is like a million times grosser! Good Mama for saving the day! Especially love how you got up from bed at 1am to come to her rescue!

Suzanne said...

Bugs and mice, yech. About 5 or so years ago, I lifted the toilet seat and there was a wet mouse trying to get out. I called my father who was an hour away and he told me to flush which I did about 10 times. I still check the toilet.

The other night I went to knock one of the centipedes off the wall, it fell on the cat and then onto the floor. Unfortunately, it slipped under the door before I could step on it. I am still looking for it.

Ann Summerville said...

I'm with Kay on the fire ants. Horrible little things.

Heather Blake Webber said...

I'm going to have nightmares. I just know it.

Anonymous said...

Major grossness (is that a word? lol) going on here! I detest anything teeny with more legs than me. Just the other day, I walked into the downstairs bath to discover a centipede scurrying across the floor. I screamed, then shrieked for my 13 y/o son. He came in, followed the direction of my pointing finger, then looked down at me with every ounce of disdain a teenager can express, and said, "Oh, my word. Really, mom?" Yes, really. Seriously nasty creatures! I hate to think what our home would be reduced to without any males around. Ugh!

Angela - Bookaunt said...

I live in FL and we have fire ants, they are very bad this year as we are having a severe drought. I have been bit three times already and one time I was just walking to my car. I see no use for fireants, lol

Kaye said...

It's also the time of year in FL for scorpions to invade. They too somehow get in looking for water. Creeps me out when I find one heading towards the bedroom. SMASH! He's gone, mushed and flushed. Let that be a lesson to the rest of them!

Vickie said...

Mosquitoes are the bane of my existence.