Friday, March 11, 2011

Mutant Hair

By Heather Webber/Heather Blake

Okay, so there I was the other day, washing my hands in the bathroom sink when I spotted...it.

A hair.

Sticking out of my cheek.

Way out. It was about an inch long.

I had a bit of girly-girl panic as I leaned in to get a closer look at this mutant hair and held my breath as I reached for it, ready to yank it out (that sucker had to GO).

Then, as I grabbed it, I realized it wasn’t actually attached to my cheek—it had fallen there. It was a bristle from my kabuki foundation brush.

Whew! Crisis averted. For now. But I know there are mutant hairs on my horizon, and trust me, they will be plucked, exfoliated, Naired...eradicated.

Why does getting older have to be so painful...and filled with panic? Maybe I need to be more Zen. I’ll work on it. For now, pass the tweezers, will ya?

Heather

19 comments:

kissablesweet1 said...

I know what you mean. I have done that on more than one occasion. It's really kind of freaky to find wild hairs growing where they shouldn't be.

Anonymous said...

I can so associate with your panic. As I swam my way past menopause, these innocent fine blonde peach fuzz hairs on my cheeks and underneath my chin turned violent! Now they are strongly rooted and intertwined into a network almost impossible to break. My husband saw me struggling with tweezers to see under my chin with a flashlight and a 10x magnification mirror where you can see scars from childbirth, and he told me to wait a minute. Out into his manly garage he went and returned with a pair of pliers previously dedicated to craft work. He took the flashlight from me and clipped it into his head gear. And then he began yanking those mutant hairs out by their inch long roots. Fifteen minutes later I worried if I had any skin left covering my chin. After I removed the ice packs, I was clear of those mauraders and the pain had gone down to a throb. Enjoy your freedom while you can because the army is coming for battle on your face!

~ Babs ~ said...

Heather I can relate as well I am pre menopause and knew the whole hair thing was coming. I don't like but I got a few hairs off my chin. Like Sandie my husband helped me as well he got tired of me fussing ha. We are doomed I am afraid for this kind of thing.

Belinda said...

I just turned 36 in January...my gift...a mutant hair. Right beside my chin on my jaw bone...an inch long atleast. So now I can often be found...feeling that area wondering if its back and ready for its next death. My son finds it amusing when I am standing infront of my light up mirror...with a flashlight...lol I guess I will survive with my mutant hair...as long as it doesn't bring friends...as I have gotten lucky...no grey hairs...yet.

Heather Webber said...

Oh my gosh--pliers???? LOLOLOL. Trust me, I'm laughing WITH you. Don't find many pliers in a makeup kit, though maybe we should all keep a pair handy. :)

And let's not even talk about the grays taking over my hair!

Deb said...

LOL stories, really, I'm enjoying this. Why don't we discover these puppies before they get so long. Count me in to the chin hair club!

Booklady said...

Geez, I hadn't thought about stray hairs yet, but what drives me nuts is having pimples AND wrinkles (and streaks of gray in my hair). It's just not fair. I think I'd rather have the pimples than the other two.

ev said...

Me too. And I'm half Sicilian and blond they aren't! I get them on the bottom of my chin and upper lip. I also have my nail tech or hairdresser wax them when I am there. And one of those small battery operated razor things they have for women and tweezers.

Men have no idea how easy they have it.

Linda Leszczuk said...

Oh sweetie, let me tell you...those stray hairs are the least of what you have to look forward to. Wanna talk about upper arms that look like Rocky the Flying Squirrel? Or being afraid to sneeze anywhere but actually in the bathroom?

Erika Chase said...

I love the pink tweezers. Reminds me of the female resident doctor my son had in the hospital on one of our many (minor injuries an exuberant young male encounters) visits. She has a pink stethoscope slung around her neck -- said the male doctors never walked off with it.

groovyoldlady said...

So I was going to go into Old Navy - that groovy and hip clothing store for tweens through twenties - with my 20 something daughter. She grabbed my arm and stopped me, a suddenly worried look on her face.

"Wassup?" I querried groovily.

She spoke in undertones, her eyes making quick checks up and down the walkway in front of the store lest someone see us, "Do you have any tweezers on that pocket knife of yours?"

Me (loudly): Tweezers? Whatta you need tweezers for?"

She, totally mortified, voice hissing: "Shhhh! You have a THING growing out of a wart on your face!"

I raised my hand to my face. The "thing" was a longish black hair and the "wart" was a small mole on my jawline.

"That's just a little hair, Darlin'" I said.

"That's not a hair," she shot back, "That's an alien. Give me those tweezers!"

I shrugged and handed her the small pocket knife attached to my keyring. She plied the tweezers to the beast on my chin right out there on the sidewalk in front of Old Navy - which I'm sure drew much less attention to us than if I had just walked into the store with an alien on my chin...

Lynda said...

Great stories! And Linda is right. There is much more to come. I don't have the chin hair, but I have the upper lip ones, and they are not discretely blond - they are blazing black. I tweeze or use the battery operated razors, but I have to really stay on top of those suckers. The Rocky the Flying Squirrel arms are just starting, but I never drink anything before leaving the house or while I'm out.....awww the joys of womanhood (NOT)

Lin Oz said...

OMG - I've been fighting these for a while with every hair removal method known. Here's the deal, you don't see them when they're shorter because THEY POP OUT OVERNIGHT---I swear they do. So I've tried everything and still the billy goat gruff hair keeps winning. My only solace is that my vision is getting worse so I don't see them much these days.

signlady217 said...

OMG! I'm sitting here reading all this and rolling on the floor laughing with tears running down, all the while sympathizing with everyone! Yes, I can relate. Two chin hairs that consistently return (one on each side) and a mustache one that comes in two-toned (seriously!) And people wonder how the Bearded Lady at the circus got her start! And yeah, don't cough or sneeze unexpectedly!

Kuzlin said...

Even more amazing is when you start sprouting the chin hairs, you no longer need to shave legs and arm pits...so why can't it all just vanish! Ain't getting old a bitch.

Vickie said...

Other people do booger checks...or at least I assume that's what they are doing...anyway, I do 'wild hair' checks. Run my finger ever so lightly under my chin, over my lip and look for those, what we call, "witch's whiskers', the bristly hairs *shudder*
Tweezerman is my bestest buddy.

I do get those weird long hairs on my cheek. My mom said it's another of her fun legacies, but it's the wild hairs that get me.

Tiffany0227 said...

I have a mole on the side of my face that has made me quite self conscience of it. It grows little hairs and it is so embarassing because i feel it is all people are looking at it.

As for the gray hair, I am 29 and I already have about 25% gray hair. My grandmother was almost fully gray by the time she was 30. Gotta love those kind of genes.

Rural View said...

I kind of like my gray hair, but my enemy is GRAVITY! Everything, and I mean everything is succumbing to it. I have the Rocky the Flying Squirrel arms too and my dream is to get an arm lift but instead of spending money on cosmetic surgery I keep having to buy practical stuff. Like someone said, getting old ain't for sissies.

Aurian said...

I totally know what you are talking about! I freeked out the fist time I fould a white hair myself!