Sunday, August 29, 2010

The "Kids" Are Coming!

by Leann

For the first time in I don't know when, my grown children are both coming without their spouses or children. It will be like stepping back in time for a few days.

There are passages in everyone's life, but since I was estranged from my own parents, the transitions were different, fractured, dysfunctional. What that led to, for me, was a long bout of depression when my own kids left home. I'd worked hard to create a family environment where everything was different than when I grew up. Not perfect, but loving and caring and involved. But I failed to prepare myself for what it would be like without them close--and they are on opposite ends of the country now.

I miss them terribly. I would love to be able to have lunch with my daughter or babysit my granddaughter. Play Trivial Pursuit with my son-in-law and watch The Daily Show with him. My husband dislikes that program but Jeffrey loves it and we laugh so much when he's here and we turn that show on. These may seem like such small things, but gosh, the small things make a huge pile.

Traveling is difficult for me with the fatigue issues I deal with. It has certainly become a factor in not seeing my family as much as I would like. We text and call and Skype, but there is nothing like wrapping your arms around someone you love, someone you gave life to. That is what I am looking forward to the most in the next few days: hugs and smiles and laughs. Dinner out and board games or cards. And conversation with the two amazing adults that they have become.

What about you. Is there someone you miss? Has a passage to a different time in your life been tough? Tell me about it!

11 comments:

Andrea C. said...

Yeah...I live about 2 and a half hours away from my parents, and while I know this isn't too far, it is far enough. I miss them...being able to have a spur of the moment dinner or drop in. It is a bit harder for me too b/c my brother, sister in law, and nephews live 2 minutes from my parents...they all hang out a lot and I have to try and overcome the jealousy!

Dru said...

I hope you have a good visit with your kids.

Cafe Fan said...

My youngest daughter and her family live a half hour away and that's wonderful after 3 years of 2 hour drives to see them; but my oldest daughter and her husband live across the country on the west coast. I know exactly what a hole is left when you can't see someone for months at a time. I think it might make it easier if I knew she actually felt a little like Andrea, but I'm not sure she misses us very much. She doesn't call, text or skype unless we initiate. I also worked hard to create a family that was different from my own and so some of the empty nest is heightened by my own thoughts that I failed! Have fun with your kids...I'll get that full house in December and can't wait for it!

Rural View said...

Yes, I miss my parents more than I thought I would. We had some rough years when I was a teenager, but then I grew up, realized they were hopelessly stupid, and had some great years. And yes, it's the little things I miss the most, like my father's quirky sense of humor which would send him and me into helpless fits of laughter while everyone else just sort of shook their heads.

PatV said...

In less than 4 months both of my children will be over 30. I'm very proud of the adults they've become but oh, how I miss my babies sometimes! It tends to hit at odd times but it hits hard! I'm hoping that eventually grandkids will come along and that may help! Our son lives 20 minutes away and we get to see him and his wife almost weekly. We also talk, text, and phone regularly with both kids. I remind myself that their independence is what I worked for - my favorite quote for raising kids: "There are two lasting things you can give your child; one is roots, the other is wings" Roots don't have to be a physical location but rather an inner strength that helps them grow strong.

Anonymous said...

I probably know how you feel. My extended family is estranged so, I did the same that you did. I made certain that my daughter and I have the mother-daughter relationship I didn't have as a child, but now have as the mother. About a month ago she left for school quite a distance from home, it's very tough. :-(

Linda McDonald said...

Leann,
Have a wonderful visit with your children!
I'm lucky in that most of my immediate family all live here in San Diego, but my oldest sister lives in Washington and I miss her/ her husband/their kids.

Kat said...

Hmm, as a daughter who is living on another continent from her parents, as close as I am with them, I feel this arrangement is better for our relationship. Sounds heartless, I know. (Sorry, my mother is here for a visit and staying with me, and it has been seven months and counting). Yes, I do like the closeness, and the times we spend together (usually). But right now, I need some space. BUT, as I keep telling myself, time is limited when we will be together, and I do cherish the times we have together. And I am sure (well, hope that) my mother feels the same way.

Linda Leszczuk said...

I lost my mom in 2006, although I lost a lot of who she was to Alzheimers in the years before that, and I miss her terribly.

But in a way I miss my dad more. He re-married and moved to another state last spring. It's not so much the miles that separate us, it's that our worlds used to overlap so much and now they don't. I never imagined it being this way. Strange how life goes.

Vickie said...

I miss my sister, she is my best friend other than DH.
We began a reunion of sorts two years ago. We meet at the halfway point at my Dad's place in Ottawa KS, Seester comes from Glenview IL and I roll in from Thornton CO. Mom drives up from her house in Fort Scott KS and does all of the cooking. Seester, Dad and me do what we now call 'spa week'. It's a week of building something for Dad's house. Last year it was four or five windbreaks, this year it was a pergola. Next June we begin the refurb of Dad's basement starting with the bathroom down there.
It's a lot of fun, hard work, amazin food. Seester and I get up honkin' early each morning and hammer out a walk before we set to on the building project. Hellah fun.

Chicken Herder from Westville said...

My son just moved to Tampa Florida and I am missing him terribly. We live in Indiana. He lived at home and went to college so I did not experience dorm life. I also failed to prepare myself for what it would be like without him close. Right now I have this huge ache that won't go away.