Sunday, September 13, 2015

Eight Random Things I Don't Consider "News"

by Leann

Because I am pressed for time (Can you spell deadline?) I was hard pressed to come up with something interesting  for today's blog--until I read the news online. Yes, these are headlines of real articles someone believes I might be interested in.  This is all I've got for today, so I hope you find it as entertaining as I did:

The 25 Least Popular Dog Breeds
(Will choosing a POPULAR dog breed change my life? And if I choose an unpopular breed, what does that say about me?) 
15 Style Faux Pas That Will Fill You With Regret (Fill me with regret? Oh, I can think of a lot of choices in life that filled me with regret, but "style faux pas" has yet to make the list.)
5 Foolproof Ways to Avoid a Pig-Out (Why would I want to avoid this? Pigging out sounds like way more fun than just about anything right now.)

Your Toothbrush Probably Has E-coli on It (Really? Did you HAVE to go there?)

How to Cook Salmon in the Dishwasher (Or, how to make your entire house smell like a fishmarket. That would be a better title for an article I will NEVER EVER read.)

12 Things Never to Buy at a Garage Sale (And what if I just bought one of those things? What then? Are you trying to shame me, Non-News People? Sheesh.)

50 Things You Don't Really Need to Buy (Oh yeah? I think you're wrong. See ... I'm getting cranky now reading JUST the headlines. What if I actually read any of this junk I'm listing?)
What 6 Common Brain Farts Mean (I make them, I don't need to know what they mean. I don't want to know what they mean. I NEVER, EVER want to know.)

See? Now I have shown myself that writing a book is a whole lot better than reading the news. Thank you, Internet. You have helped me tremendously.