Like most authors, I do the occasional book signings, sometimes at book stores and sometimes at conferences. At the moment, I'm looking forward to signing copies of my first book in the Dream Club Mysteries, NIGHTMARES CAN BE MURDER. (Warning, shameless plug below.)
Here's my list of the top ten things people have said to me.
1. Where's the ladies' room? (this is by far the number one comment.)
Answer: "I think it's in the back, towards the left."
2. "Did you write this?"
Answer: "Yes, see there's my name, right on the cover."
3. "Are these free?"
Answer: "I'm afraid they're for sale, just like every other book in the store."
4. Are you Nora Roberts?
"No, I'm Mary Kennedy."
. "Then why are you sitting next to a big display of Nora Roberts' books?"
Answer. (it was actually a good question. There was a ginormous end cap filled with Nora's books, right next to me.). "I don't know."
5. "Did Nora send you in her place?"
Answer: "No, she didn't."
"You look better on your cover photo." (customer looks at author photo in back of my book.)
Answer: "I was having a good hair day, that day." (and also good lighting and good make-up but there's no sense in giving away all my secrets)
6. "Could you recommend me to your agent?"
Answer: "No, I'm afraid she isn't taking on any new clients."
7. "Well, then, could you recommend me to your editor?"
Answer: "No, I'm afraid she's quite busy and has her own authors to worry about."
"What good are you then?"
Answer: "I have no idea, I've often wondered the same thing."
8. "Is there a staff restroom I could use?"
Answer: "The public restroom is in the back of the store."
"Yes, but it's out of toilet paper."
9. "Does your husband know you're doing this?"
Answer: "Doing? what?" Customer points to large banner above me. It says, "Hot sizzling romance is just an arm's length away." He reaches his arm out playfully, as if to grab me and I shrink back in my chair.
10. End of signing. Bookstore owner looking at towering pile of unsold books. "Is this all you've sold?"
Answer, (brave smile,). "I'm afraid so, but I had ever such a nice time!Thank you so much for inviting me."
"Well, maybe we can do it again," he says doubtfully.
Not all signings are like this, of course, usually I meet fantastic people and form wonderful new friendships but these are a few that just stick in my mind.