Sunday, October 13, 2013

If Wishes Were Houses ...

by Leann

It has been more than a year since we have been living in limbo while our home on the lake is being built. I believe one year is a magical amount of time--and when you are waiting past a "due date," every small thing begins to add more stress than it should. Yes, I was foolish enough to think I would be in my new house by now. Well, I'm not there yet.

My husband is the general contractor and first, I must say, he is doing an
amazing job of taking on a project that is difficult to say the least--and one
he'd never done before. He is working hard coordinating subcontractors and finding the right people for the job. The craftsmanship is excellent as far as I can tell. There are a lot of skilled, hardworking folks in South Carolina. Second, I must add, if I expected quick work, well that was wishful thinking. Rain delays and indecison are frustrating beyond belief.

Right now, I am on deadline. This is my second time finishing a book in the rental house I hate with a passion. The first time I soldiered through and I believe I wrote one of the best books I've ever created. This time the struggle has been immense. Each passing day without the "comfort of home" weighs on me. I find myself imagining myself sitting at my sewing machine or cutting fabric, I can almost smell banana bread baking. I can see myself sitting on my new deck and watching the ducks float by on the lake. But these are only wishes right now.

I have also been dealing with a difficult family issue that has hurt my heart and a kitten who has struggled since I brought him home. He is not healthy, may never be healthy, but I have poured so much energy into
helping him survive, it is taking a toll. But giving up on him is not an option. He and I have a bond that will last forever.

I reflect on all this because despite the difficulties, I have learned much  in this last year and 3 months, and I will be stronger because of it all. Most days I can look past filthy windows, ugly walls and other awful aspects of this house I cannot even bear to put into words. I can focus on the future. When this book is completed, it will probably reveal things to me when I reread it that I didn't realize I was placing between the lines. The subconscious will always have its way.

Relief will come. Life is full of passages and this is simply one of those particularly unpleasant times I never thought I'd be dealing with. The end is in sight, as is the end of the latest cat book.

Most days I try to focus on the happiness I experienced in the last year. Yesterday my oldest granddaughter turned six, a month ago my middle granddaughter turned three. Next month the youngest will turn one. They are beautiful and wonderful and I am so lucky. My daughter put on an amazing show this year that I got see in NYC. Now my son-in-law is experiencing what it's like to be a "little famous" with the co-writing of his highly successful Welcome to Night Vale podcast. Good things are happening. Joy is here. But sometimes it's difficult to see what's beyond the dirty windows and ugly paint that I wake up to everyday.

Thanks for reading. I needed to just get it out by writing it down. The written word is a powerful healer.