Monday, June 25, 2012

Journey Into Singlehood

by Kate Collins

I’ve heard it said that widowhood is being a member of a club nobody wants to belong to. Boy, will I second that. I’m not happy being alone, having to navigate the waters of life by myself. One of the most difficult parts has been trying to find a new group of friends. Oh, it’s not that I’ve abandoned my old ones, it’s just that they’re halves of a couple, and couples do things together on weekends, like garden and shop and visit relatives and have children and/or grandchildren over for dinners.

And it’s not that these women don’t want to do things without their husbands – they do – but usually not on weekends, which tend to be like black holes of nothingness for me.

For a year I’ve been wondering how to find single friends, especially in an age group in which the majority of women still have husbands. I checked online for singles groups in my area and found none. Zilch. I checked with my church.  None there, either. Not knowing where else to turn, I finally set up a meeting with my minister and explained my situation. This took a lot of courage because I’ve never been much of a joiner at church, and he didn’t even know more than my first name. To my amazement, he said there was a need for a singles social group in the middle age range and he’d look into it.

A few weeks later I got an invitation to a luncheon for businesswomen, put together by the minister.  A small group of us met with him at a restaurant for lunch, where I learned that every woman there was single, either through widowhood or divorce. He had me explain my mission, and to my delight, the women were excited about having friends to socialize with, especially on those long, lonely weekends.

The point of my blog is that sometimes, instead of sitting around feeling sorry for your situation, you have to reach outside your comfort zone for help. It took me awhile to do it – I actually cancelled the first meeting I’d set up -- but now I’m so glad I pushed through my initial reluctance.  I have a feeling there are seven other women who are glad, too.

Have you ever had to reach outside your comfort zone for help? Have you ever included a single person into your plans – or maybe you are that single person and have found ways to keep from being alone. Please share your thoughts.