Monday, July 25, 2011

How to Gross Out a Woman

By Kate Collins
In writing a character sketch for a suspect in my next Flower Shop mystery, NIGHTSHADE ON ELM STREET, I needed a list of bad grooming habits for men. My own beloved Greek had one and I’ll start off with it because I know it’s fairly common. The rest I’ve seen on men while people watching. Please feel free to add your own.
1. Clipping toenails while watching TV, with nothing under the feet to catch the debris. Is it THAT hard to spread a newspaper?
2. On the other hand, I’d rather see flying clippings than long, dirty toenails. Gross!
3. Bushy nose hairs. Enough said.
4. Teeth that need a really good cleaning, including a tongue scraping. Ew. Bad breath central.
5. Stinky body odor or overpowering deodorant or cologne.
6. Standing too close while conversing. See # 3 - 5 for why that’s bad.
7. Nose picking/ear spelunking. No one wants to see what’s inside your cavities, guys, much less watch you wipe it somewhere.
8. Greasy hair. No reason for it. Shampoo is cheap.
9. Unkempt beard or mustache. They scream, “I don’t think much of myself. Why should you?”
10. Belly that hangs over the jeans, resulting in jeans that hang so low, it’s impossible to bend over or crouch without displaying lots of butt cheek. It ain’t a pretty sight, fellows, but it can be comical. (I actually snapped a photo with my cell phone of my plumber’s rear view. It was that hilarious. )
Did I miss any? Got any personal pet peeves? In case any men are reading this, save your list for next week. We’ll tackle the ladies then.
Have a great week filled with love and laughter.