Monday, October 18, 2010

Is It Better to Have Loved and Lost?

by Kate Collins

As I struggle through my maze of grief, trying to make sense of the new life thrust upon me, my children are not only dealing with their own grief, but also are having serious doubts about relationships. Of the five children my husband and I have between us, three are young adults, never married, still looking for THE ONE.

Only now, maybe not so much. Both my children and step-children have witnessed marriages that didn’t work, followed by a marriage that was almost too good to be true, that rare combination of two people who were perfectly suited and incredibly happy to be together. What they are seeing now is the pain of that one person left behind, and they are wondering, is it worth it?

Several months before my husband died, he said to me, “Sometimes I regret falling in love with you, because now I have so much to lose that I don’t think I could bear it.” I understand now what he meant. But if I had a do-over, would I not marry him? No way.

Do I tell our children that it’s worth this horrible pain? I’m not really handling it all that well myself. What advice would you give them based on your experiences? Do you think it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?