I have a teeny, tiny problem--well, it's actually quite large, and it's actually caused me some heartache and now it's causing me to really reevaluate some areas of my life (career, friendships, etc). You see, I am a "yes" person. It is almost as if the word "no" is not in my vocabulary. The real problem that this causes I realized (as I was visiting with my parents this weekend and my dad talked about a story from his past) is that it makes me overpromise and under deliver. In other words, i do everything in my world "half-a....," and that is a problem.
For instance like this morning, I teach Sunday school. Yes, believe it or not, I am a Sunday school teacher. I have oodles of faith and love teaching the kids. I taught last year and found that there were some Sundays it was a conflict but I had made a commitment, so off I went. Part of it was that I felt guilty if I didn't get my rear into church. Ah--guilt--the "yes girl's" best friend. When the time came for new teachers to come on board, there was a lackluster response from others. Guess what happened--I reupped because if they didn't get enough teachers we were going to have to cancel the program, so I am in for another year.
I volunteer at our school as well and I am teaching this really cool creative writing course to 8th grade (see my other blog--http://www.adventuresnwriting.blogspot.com ). Love the kids. Love what I am teaching, but gotta tell you that the time commitment is huge and I have so many other things that I have said, "yes," to. They include being a room parent, fun club parent for pony club, writing five hundred thousand books at one time (okay that is an exxagerration, but it does feel that way) and on and on. And, as mentioned, it makes me do all of it at only 50%. I really want to and need to break this cycle because frankly it is exhausting. So, my line for the rest of the year is, "You know, I would love to do that (participate in, whatever), but I'm afraid I just can't take that on right now." Or maybe I should just say, "NO!"
How about you--anyone a "yes girl." If you are and you've broken the habit, how did you do it? How do you feel now? If you're still saying yes, does it exhaust you or do you feel good about it? And if you are a yes person, are you able to get it all done? If so, please share some time organizing tips, or anything that might help.
If you're not a "yes girl or guy," but you do have an area in your life that you want to make changes in, what might that be? Why do you want to make those changes and how will you do so?
Have a wonderful week.
Cheers,
Michele
5 comments:
I am definitely a "Yes" girl. And it has caused me many problems in the past. This is especially true around the holidays and the four sides of our family (my mom, my dad, Steve's mom, Steve's dad) all want us at the same time. I used to say yes to everyone, then would have to say, well, we can go to lunch here, in-between lunch and dinner there, dinner over there and dessert somewhere else. It just made me crazy and caused lots of problems with the families because they felt they were getting "gipped'. Last year my husband and I agreed that when we say "yes" to something, it means that we say "no" to whatever comes in after that. That means whoever invites us first, gets us. No more running around crazy to go to everything. We do try to make sure that we rotate. It has saved us a lot of headaches. I have tried to apply this to other factors of my life, like I cannot host a baby shower for so-and-so when I have regional basketball games for my son.
I feel for you. I actually typed myself up a 'word track' to keep by the phone. It says, "Thank you so much for thinking of me/us. I/We really appreciate it, but I/we have already made another commitment. I am sure that you understand and would feel the same if you were in my/our situation. If something should change, I will definitely let you know if something should change and I/we can make it/do it." You get the jist of it. This has helped me to have those words typed up and by the phone. Now I find that they are my strength and give me my focus to stay on track.
Best to you -
Cathy
I struggle with this too, but have come a long way in learning to say no. The guilt is horrible at first, but once you realize it's making a difference, it fades.
Good luck!
I have had "yes girl" syndrome as well. I am better at it now though. I say essentiallly the same thing that you mentioned in your blog..."thanks for thinking of me, but I can't take that on now." I find that I used to then go on with an explanation,about why I can't participate in whatever the activiity/event was, but now I try to just narrow it down to thanks, but it won't work with my schedule now, appreciate the offer though. I've learned this technique from my mom's boyfriend, who will say something simple and to the point without a big long explanation about it.
Oh, Michele, I think a lot of us have struggled with that. Years ago, though, when I decided to go back to grad school part-time after I had my 4th (and last) child. Yeah. That's a huge time commitment. Up to that time, I had been volunteering at my kids' schools, and youth groups, and singing in small groups.
Well---I realized something had to go and it certainly wasn't my family time. I had to eliminate ALL of those other activities, even the music ones which pierced my heart. But---I wanted grad school and I was attracted to the rigorous course of accounting that led to the CPA. I knew I would be studying and working on that for five or six years part-time.
I started explaining, like Cathy said, I had a script in my head. And a golden line was: If I volunteer to help on your committee, then it would mean less time to spend with my family. Believe me, there was silence on the other end of the line. I always added---I'm sure you understand. They got it.
My name is Lisa and I am a "yes girl". I am trying really hard to break that habit. I think the worst part is the guilt. Once you get over that feeling, you're golden.
I also use the line "Thanks for thinking of me, but I just can't make it". In the past I would ramble on about why I can't participate. I have found that sweet, simple and to the point works best.
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