The Cozy Chicks | Cozy Up To Some Killer Books

Harsh Words

Okay, so I was not going to go here today. But I have thought about it, and although bitchy and gossipy isn’t something I care to be, I’ve decided to use a situation that happened to me over the weekend as a reminder of the impact just one word can have–and also for those of us who are published and those who want to be that the writing industry is very small and it is based on talent as well as relationships.

So here goes. Over the weekend I was at a wonderful writers conference where I taught three workshops. I had a fabulous time and saw a lot of serious and passionate writers, and I met some great people.

A good friend of mine came to the conference because she is writing a picture book. Her husband came to tool around and check out the sites. They were staying in a separate place from me.

My friend’s hubby goes into the lobby of the place they were staying and sees a woman writing away and he asks her about. She happens to be writing a wine mystery with horses set in Napa. He tells her that is really cool, and does she know me. She replies, “Michele Scott is my nemesis.” Now my friend’s husband didn’t know the meaning of the word and he smiled and replied, “Yeah, isn’t she cool.” (Total guy, huh?)

He goes and tells his wife (my friend) about this. Mu friend comes unglued (total woman), and then proceeds to meet the lady and asks her if she went to any of my workshops. The woman said that she hadn’t. But she did say that I had a scene just like hers in her book. Okay. Guess what? I wrote that book that she’s talking about almost 3 years ago now. I certainly didn’t steal anything. Then my friend asks the lady if she’d ever met me–again, no.

The story goes on, but the deal is, the word nemesis means–a person or RIVAL that someone can’t overcome or conquer. Pretty harsh. Now you don’t have to like me or what I write, but before you say something along those lines at least have met me or read my work. Then make judgements. I am not someone to conquer or be a rival with.

Now, I know I got myself all up in a snit here. And I am going to give the woman kudos because she did have the cojones to come up and talk to me the next day (granted I am sure she knew that my friend had told her what she’d said). She was a very nice woman and I honestly wish we could have met under a different type circumstance.

The thing is I am not anyone’s nemesis. You can write wine mysteries all day long or mysteries about horses. Your pov is different from mine–unless you totally copy me. Everything has been done before, so I am not bothered by that at all. Go for it if you have a book in you set in Napa or in the horse world. But what bothered me was the word, and words hurt and words can haunt you. I wished this writer nothing but the best and even let her know that when she sells her book, to contact me and we can do some cross promotion, because that is what the industry is about. There is no room for jealousy in this industry at all. We have to all support one another be it unpubbed or pubbed writers. I will also admit that I was not in the room when these things were said, and the context could have easily been blown out of proportion and that is how “shit” (pardon the word, i know we are a PG group) gets stirred. But I guess what I am trying to say–as a little bit of advice and a reminder to myself–that if you have nothing nice to say about someone, don’t say anything, because you never know how your words might be twisted, and in the long run, you could cause yourself some problems.

Thanks for letting me be me. I think many of you know me anyway, so I hope you know that I am not one to be pissy, but this incident really bugged me. And, now since I got it, I’m over it.

I want to know if anything like this has ever happened to you be it in social situation or with your business. If so, how did you handle it? I am terrible at handling situations like this. Conflict is not my thing at all. I would have really been a bad attorney. So, I’d like to know how you all handle conflict and situations that make you uncomfortable. Do you address the person or situation, or do you let it go and not think about it?

Thanks Gang!

Cheers,
Michele

9 Responses to “Harsh Words”

Michele, I can totally relate to you! I really think you took the high road here and I commend you on how you told your story. I know, all too well, how another person’s words, actions, or opinions can hurt both you and your career. Not to blow my own horn, but I had been doing pretty well in my line of work (nothing like a writer, but a good job) and had been given several pats on the back and raises to go along with them. One day I was paired up with two big-wigs to work with. One was jealous of the other and as soon as the non-jealous one moved up the ladder, I was stuck with mister jeasous belly. Of course, I thought the one who moved up was a great person to work with. That’s where things went wrong. He totally ruind it for me at this job. Even though I had worked with many of the people there and they knew my work, he told people my skills were beginner level and it ended up killing me there. I’m glad that isn’t the situation here. I love your work and I can’t wait to devour your next Wine Lover’s book! Thanks so much.

by Regenea Gibson on March 3rd, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Michele,
I too don’t care for confrontations. Unfortunately they happen in our lives. I think you were very gracious to the other person. If it is something important - you have to address the problem, if it isn’t important I have learned to just let it slide like water off a ducks back. I worked way too many years with doctors who thought they were gods, so now - if someone isn’t throwing charts at me or dying I am pretty mellow. We have a saying in our family ” don’t worry about the dogs, the guns, the hubby or the brothers, worry about the mom”. Mess with me all you want, but steer clear of family.

by Ealasaid Cameron on March 3rd, 2008 at 6:15 pm
There’s a big difference between being bitchy and gossipy, and discussing your feelings about something that happened to you.

The reality is, people are people. I’ve heard many times over that the mystery community is filled with wonderful people, 99.9% of them are supportive and so incredibly nice… The truth is, people are people. These experiences aren’t unique to us, but they certainly happen with frequency.

I’m glad for you. You may find that surprising, but as hard as the situation was, you had an opportunity to meet this person and (I hope) walk away from it with some resolution and a feeling you could run into them again without incredible discomfort. It is far more difficult when people gossip from afar, when things come through the rumor mill and it’s potentially so distorted you don’t know fact from fiction and trying to talk to the source to clear the air means making so many people who opened their mouths (who shouldn’t have) upset with you. Rock and hard place. You live with the gnawing worry about the next time you’ll see that person and if you’re me, carry the stress. And also if you’re me, vent back to the gossip you hear sometimes, expressing irritation and anger at the alleged source, because you’re hurt.

I am glad you talked about this on your blog, if only to serve as a reminder that we should always be careful about what we say, and who we say it to. Having been accused of saying some things I never said recently - and knowing that’s feeding the rumor mill - I have the option of discussing it openly on my blog so that nobody can twist my words, or to stop speaking to people. Over time, I’ve done both, and neither are real solutions…. but at least I know now I’m not the only person to have a complete stranger form judgments about me without meeting me or ever even speaking to me, and express those views to others. I hope you find some consolation, however small, in knowing that you aren’t the only one.

by Sandra Ruttan on March 3rd, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Ok, I agree with everyone, you should watch your words carefully and words do hurt and it’s best to take the high road on all this, but… I wonder what the tone of the conversation was when the lady was talking to your friends husband. (Don’t throw apples yet, realize I’m a libra and have to respond to the other side, if there is one.)

I could totally see myself writing away, feeling frustrated at my lack of success and progress and holding my “hero” who has been published out as my nemisis. Of course part of me would be joking. But the other part would be trying to push myself harder to be as good as my nemisis. And since I never expect to meet any famous people (and in my book, once you are published, you’re famous), I could see myself getting into the same situation as the napa wine/horse writer by opening my mouth when I should have kept it shut.

That being said, I think she totally crossed the line when she accused you of stealing her ideas. And that is where I think you had a right to beat the pulp out of her. I think it’s the sign of an immature writer to think that there is any new ideas out there. It’s all in how we box them up and write them down.

Of course last time I got in a fight with a girl, she totally creamed me, so maybe the beating the pulp out of her isn’t a great idea. Ok, it’s a horrible idea, but sometimes..

Anyway, you had a right to be pissy and I admire you for sharing your author moment. And us who are unpublished thought it was all caviar and roses after your book comes out. (giggle)

by Lynn on March 3rd, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Michele,

I knew there was a reason I liked you. You and I are even more alike than I thought…I hate confrontations, too. I avoid them like the plague if I can help it. I’ve had my share of crap like this happening….I used to run fan clubs and be involved with several others. I soon found out that fan clubs are definitely a competitive. People can be very vindictive. I even received a death threat once when I had to ask someone to take down a website. I called the police in her home town immediately. Also, I took over a fan club a former friend and I ran together when she asked me to take it. I had assumed she meant permanently or I never would’ve done it. So when she wanted it back, I refused since I knew it would lead to disaster and she caused trouble for me for a long time. I just wrote her a letter basically telling her to take a hike and went about my business. Sometimes there is just no dealing with people. Normally, though, in an every day situation, I just pretty much stop talking to the person I’m having a conflict with. It’s less stressful than confrontation for me since it seems like when I try the confrontational approach (with family twice), it only leads to disaster, and I’m the one to get into trouble even though I have a right to be angry.

by Traci on March 4th, 2008 at 2:13 am
Michele,

I despise confrontations. I’d rather let the other person think what they want than deal with trying to set them straight. In the words of my mother, “You can’t fix stupid.”

That being said, I’m not sure I could have dealt with the woman like you did. I’d be too tempted to dump iced tea down her front and claim I tripped.

by Marissa on March 4th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Hi Michele,

I too, am not a fan of confrontations. You sure dealt well with that situation though. Although I do like Marissa’s idea about “tripping.” Anyway, since most of us agree that we aren’t too big on conflict, I was curious if putting your characters in conflict, or making their lives miserable, has been tough at all? I think we love our characters (especially those who have “lived” with us for a long time through a series), so I’m curious if it is tough for you to put them in worse and worse situations?

by Linda on March 4th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Michele,

Consider it a back-handed compliment.

by Karen on March 6th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Nice work Michele! I just thought I’d chime in on this blog, b/c I am Michele’s friend (the one in the story, and my hubby is the one that did not know the definition of nemisis… he’ll never live that down)

Michele was kind to ‘leave out’ that the woman used that choice adjective TWICE, so it was no accident in word choice! If I could give one bit of advice on the whole thing, it’s a quote from my husband (the verbally challenged) he always reminds me, when someone irritated me etc. “Kristi, Don’t let them rent space in your head.” and that advice has served me well!

Cheers!

by Kristi on March 7th, 2008 at 9:22 pm

Harsh Words

9 Responses to “Harsh Words”

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